Friday, July 22, 2016

Not blue.

Our 16 week gender scan was charged with emotion.  After having lost our baby girl, our much-wanted, long-anticipated baby girl, Brandon and I were unabashedly hoping our new baby was a girl as well.  And for that reason, I figured it would be a boy.  C'est la vie.  When the tech announced just that news I worked frantically to hold it together.  I could hear the uncertainty in her voice, but Brandon couldn't.  As soon as we were alone, I asked him what he thought, and he said she sounded sure.

Which just meant I was being crazy.

I dutifully sent a cryptic text to all the people, "It's a boy."  For a week I wouldn't consider names.  I was angry, missing Eleni, kicking at fate.  Then something shifted emotionally and made space in my heart for this him.  Only, once the emotions processed and the despair started to fade, all the facts came into focus.  I wasn't sure - the images hadn't looked right.  The tech hadn't been sure - she kept deflecting.  Really, wasn't it true, we couldn't be sure?

It's actually better to be sure.  For me, at least.  When you're sure you can throw that emotional energy into getting things done.  Creating a special space.  Making the best of it.  When you're not sure, you Can't. Do. Anything.  You're the crazy woman holding onto all the baby girl clothes, refusing to finish that Lotus quilt that would be perfect for a girl's nursery, admitting to your best friends that you're thinking it could still be a girl.

Not blue.  Not green.  Not orange.  Not brown...

Girl

It turns out CORAL is the color I need!  Because it's a girl, people. Baby is all girl!

This week at our 20 week scan, a new ultrasound tech performed a detailed anatomic scan.  Unbiased by previous conclusions, she said it was a girl.  With confidence.  Challenged by previous conclusions, she showed me it was a girl.  From three different angles!

So, goodbye to that mint and tangerine color scheme, and it's back to the drawing board on the perfect name.  I'm glad I didn't finish that blue blue patchwork stockings, buy up those baby boy diapers or start to work on the nursery.  I'm glad I was a little bit crazy.

Because, sometimes, crazy is right.


70 comments:

  1. Oh, so happy for you! Love the coral. See you smiling.

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  2. Oh I am So happy for You! How amazing that You knew from the beginning!

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  3. What a roller coaster of emotions!

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  4. Never second guess the momma! Congrats!!

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  5. Congrats but a friend of mine (who's a midwife) told me you will only know it for sure when the baby is born;-)

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    1. People kept telling me that, except we had done chromosomal testing. We really did know!

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    2. You know, when I saw your announcement "It's a boy", I felt a twinge of disappointment as well. I had to tell myself not to be disappointed but to be thankful for a healthy baby no matter what. But now I am so happy and thank God for his Greatness and Goodness for sending you another precious baby girl. Praise Him, praise Him. I am so happy for you.

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  6. So so so happy for you!!! Yippee!

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  7. Congratulations! What a great surprise!

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  8. What a wild ride. :) Your updates make my heart glad. Here's to more coral!

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  9. WOW - congrats Rachel! Yes better to be 100% sure! How awesome! No one will ever replace Eleni, but another baby girl will fit just right into your little family for sure! Coral! Love it - actually, that's kindof a cute name for a girl too!

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  10. Such a happy crazy twist to your story! So, there y'go! Coral it is! Full speed ahead!!! Watching with happy hugs for you and your family!!!

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  11. Congratulations. Coral is wonderful.

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  12. So happy for you Rachel! You knew it all along! Coral is perfect!

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  13. I had wished for you to have a sweet but energetic boy. All along what I had wished for is a sweet, energetic, healthy baby. Happy planning!

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  14. Congratulations! I'm so very happy that your heart's wish has come true. I'm looking forward to seeing all those little girl things churn through your sewing machine and put into the blog!

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  15. Congratulations! May I suggest Hope for her name!

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  16. Congratulations! May I suggest Hope for her name!

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  17. Boy or girl, it will be well loved. Congrats again!!

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  18. Very exciting! I love my two boys and am thrilled to have six girls. To be told at the birth I had a girl was never disappointing.

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  19. So happy for you all, that coral is gorgeous X

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  20. That is so wild! I guess it goes to show you that mama's intuition is right...

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  21. Coral is lovely! And, I would like mint and tangerine for a girl, too.

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  22. I'm crying with happiness for you, Rachel!

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  23. I am so happy for you all. You're going to get your perfect baby girl. Lots of Love 😘😘😘

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  24. Oh wow! I HATED the uncertainty I had after my scan. I'm so glad you could find out for sure. So glad she's what you wanted. So glad that even though you would have loved him to bits, you'll have the baby girl you've longed for. How wonderful is coral!

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  25. The desires of your heart. :)
    I'm so happy you know for sure, that makes it so much easier.
    Coral, yum!

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    Replies
    1. How's the house project looking this week?

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  26. Congratulations Rachel!!! I am so happy for you and cannot wait to see all the adorable girls things you will make xo

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  27. Hahaha that's crazy alright - the situation - not you. You know the saying 'what's for you won't pass you by' - well there you go - she will be a beautiful addition to your family I'm sure:))

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  28. That is wonderful news....God really does work in mysterious ways!!!

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  29. I'm so happy for you! We all know that if you had a boy you would have been over the moon in love with him but having your dream of another girl come true is such a special gift from God.

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  30. I'm so happy for you! We all know that if you had a boy you would have been over the moon in love with him but having your dream of another girl come true is such a special gift from God.

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  31. I am crying, Rachel.
    I have to tell you now, I was a little bit disappointed when you said you were having a boy (I have never had a boy, so kind of ??)
    I was also thinking of Eleni, and not letting go.
    Now I am thankful. I just pray that you have a very good next couple of months. A Fall baby. Those summer months. I just remember scuffling around in my pretty billowy dresses that I had made myself.
    I had two girl. God was good to me, I think, but you have a sweet boy.
    Happy Week-end. :-)

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  32. So happy for ya'll! Congrats!

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  33. I am so happy for you and your family.

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  34. Follow your heart and gut! You're not crazy.
    I love, love, love that coral dress.

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  35. So happy for you & glad you are able to feel & allow yourself to work through your grief, joy & human-ness!

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  36. So happy for you & glad you are able to feel & allow yourself to work through your grief, joy & human-ness!

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  37. this news brings a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. Happy for you and your family. I don't often comment, but look forward to your posts. thank you for sharing. (And the coral is perfect).

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  38. That's amazing! I love the rich coral color. Perfect for a girl without being too girly. The name that popped into my head was Hadley Grace because it's by the grace of God that he's sending you another girl to honor Eleni's sweet spirit and memory. Best wishes to you all on this journey :0)

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  39. Oh I am so happy for you (happy tears are falling)! And I love the coral colour choice! Wishing you and yours all the best.

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  40. I have to admit that I was just a little sad when I first heard that the baby was going to be a boy. But then I could truly see both sides to the healing process be it boy or girl. By the grace of God, this baby, boy or girl will enter this world being truly blessed to be in your loving family.

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  41. I am so happy for you. I was a trifle disappointed that baby was a boy, until I read on, and baby is a girl. All babies are a gift from God. Wishing yiu and the rest of the clan all the best.

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  42. I'm sure you will love whomever you get.

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  43. That's an amazing story. My daughter always thought I was crazy for saying the ultrasound might not be right because...you know...science. I'm happy for you.

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  44. I just read your blog and I am bursting with happiness lol, so happy for you and your family, my daughter is due on the 27th of july, her first child and I am hoping for a girl as well, so looking forward to sewing for this little bundle of joy! But it will be a surprise, she has chosen to not know the gender, I can still hope for a girl though.Congratulations Rachel! Love the coral dress, so pretty!

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  45. So happy for you! (Although I just know you'd be filled with love for a baby boy as well!) Thank you so much for sharing your news. Baby and family are in our prayers!

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  46. God IS Good. Love the coral!

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  47. Loved reading your happy story today - All's well that ends well; as Shakespeare would say - and Coral would be a nice girls name :) Now I'm thinking of 'like' names - Pearl, Amber, Jade .... ignore me while my mind wanders ......

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  48. "You're the crazy woman holding on to all the baby girl clothes." ... Haha, I had to smile at this a little, imagining you in a room sitting on a pile of girl clothes with your arms around them defiantly. I love your candor. Congratulations on your baby girl. -Ruth

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  49. So happy for you, Rachel. Congratulations.

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  50. I am so happy for you all. Let the joy begin!

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  51. Wow Rachel. What a roller coaster of emotions. I'm so glad that you don't have to be "that crazy woman" and can throw yourself fully into preparing to welcome your little girl. Congratulations and Big Hugs!

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  52. I wish you and your partner all the luck in the world.
    God bless! x x

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  53. You were angry it was a boy? Spare a thought for all us out here who can't have children at all and would kill to be pregnant with a boy

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    1. My heart aches for every woman who is unable to have a child, but there is nothing wrong with Rachel speaking honestly from her heart. We feel what we feel in the moment, and hiding those feelings doesn't help anything.

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  54. I'm so pleased for you and your family! Congratulations on news you were hoping for!

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  55. Which gender it will ever be I just hope for you this baby will be healthy and strong. From deep inside my heart.

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  56. All the heart eyes... my heart ached for you when you first said "It's a boy"... It was like I was holding my breath and then it all came out in a rush when you said its a girl... Much love xxx

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  57. How sweet, a precious baby girl. Congratulations! God is good, all the time!

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